two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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