I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
