he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
