I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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