I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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