You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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