Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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