All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
