she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
