I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
