You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
