we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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