just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize