I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When are your genitals available?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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