If i come over, it means nothing
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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