Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
