you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
