I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
