I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
