? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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