I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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