Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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