He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
