Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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