no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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