Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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