Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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