sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
