Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
