I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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