i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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