Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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