You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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