Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
