I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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