i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
