Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
