Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
