i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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