i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
