Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
