Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
