i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
