it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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