so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
