The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
