hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
