im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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