I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
