My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
NoShamevember. You game?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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