Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
