I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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