they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
