Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
