You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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