So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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