I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
