If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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