I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
