Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
