why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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