I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
