We won't sleep together?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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