My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
