Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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