I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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