You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
