if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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