K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
