I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
