Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
