I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
