Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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