Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
